With apologies to Meredith Wilson’s “Music Man,” and regards to Randy Rainbow.

Oh, there’s nothing halfway

About the Iowa way to treat you

When we defeat you

With an app that makes our caucus  stall.

There’s an Iowa kind of special

Ruin elections attitude

We’ve never been without 

That we recall.

We can be cold

As our falling thermometers in December

If you ask us where we got an app we couldn’t understand.

And we’re so by God stubborn

We could keep votes unreported

For a week at a time

Rather than simply add ‘em up by hand.

But what the heck, you’re welcome,

Hope you liked the Caucus.

You can have your fill 

Of all the news you brought with you.

You really ought to give Iowa a try,

Provided you don’t care for 

Elections on which you can rely.

Maybe we’ll get the bugs out by 2024. 

Then you ought to give Bernie, Biden,

Buttigieg, Warren, 

And next door neighbor

Amy Klobuchar,

If any of them are still alive,

A try. God knows why, 

You ought to give Iowa a try.