We Who Are About To Lie Salute You

A day before Wednesday’s second GOP candidates’ debate, Stephen Colbert on “The Late Show” made it unnecessary to tune in. In a towering, electric blue coif a la “The Hunger Games” host Caesar Flickerman, Colbert suggested the contest for the Republican nomination has descended to the level of a Hungry for Power Game.

And it came to pass. The interminable three-hour eleven-person “debate” was little more than a mudpie fight. As usual the media was complicit in encouraging the participants to reveal the worser angels of their nature. They don’t want good presidents. They want good TV. CNN’s Jake Tapper, in the Flickerman role, structured the entire debate as follows.

“Ms. Fiorina, Mr. Trump says you’re ugly. What do you say? Mr. Trump, several of your competitors say you are a has-been vaudevillian blowhard unprepared to be president. Are they right?

The result was less than edifying. A few participants tried not to sink to the level of the event. Rand Paul said the name-calling was sophomoric and worthy of junior high school. John Kasich, Jeb Bush and Chris Christie tried to suggest the American people wanted someone to discuss how to solve the problems they face everyday of their lives, rather than indulge in fights worthy of “Survivor” or “The Bitchy Housewives of Simi Valley.”

Needless to say they were treated as if they were freaks and geeks for trying to opt out of the gladiatorial script and therefore no better than timid mama’s boys and weakling nerds who had no place in the same locker room as the jocks. Those who have never held office suggested those who have are contemptible sellouts, corrupt and self-interested.

In this atmosphere, therefore, the person judged to have slapped around Trump as much as he slaps around others was pronounced the winner. So Carly Fiorina is now regarded as a viable presidential candidate. After all, snark and insults and snappy retorts have become the entrance requirements for high office. By that standard, Don Rickles for President!

We see here the fruits of our brainless media age where the unreality of reality TV is mistaken for real life, where discussions of the issues or of competing solutions to complex problems are too boring, too hard, too time consuming and require math or reading skills. Change the channel. Give us telegenic airheads or ranting demagogues.

Since we want sound bites, conflict, fast cuts, memorable images, and easy answers, that’s what we get. That, and Frank Luntz telling us who’s presidential timber by hooking up likely voters to dials that they turn right for “Like” and left for “Dislike.” It’s the Facebook-ization of democracy and statecraft.

The result is an animated chart that lets the audience see what the lab rat voters preferred in what the candidates said, and incidentally allows the candidates to tailor their responses, the better to pander with in the future. Soon all candidates will be mouthing the same tested prejudices, making their charts looks identical.

“Wow! Look at that spike when he said throw all the illegal immigrants into the sea. Oh, a huge upturn for a call to punch out Putin’s lights and to destroy ISIS by any means necessary so long as no money is spent, taxes raised or rich men’s sons sacrificed. Uh oh, look how much they disliked those three sentences discussing hard choices. Holy cow, they love it when the candidates say they’ll cut taxes, increase entitlements and get our kids well-paying jobs no matter how badly they did in school.”

Near the end of the “debate,” after bitter denunciations of each other, the candidates all managed to agree on some issues. Abortion is bad and Planned Parenthood worse. The first amendment means anyone can do whatever they want so long as they say their religion demands it. All of the candidate spouses, to whom they have been married for years and years, are not of the same sex and are the rock upon which they depend. Obama should be sent back to Kenya and Hillary sent to jail for security violations. And Ronald Reagan was the greatest man who ever lived.

Obviously this is all a ridiculous show. Bread and circuses for the plebeians. It is designed to let them think that their votes count and that better days are ahead. But just as in Russia and the NFL, the people do not rule. The oligarchs are funding the charades, and the candidate elected will be the comely figurehead who does their biding while assuring “the people” that they are Number One. But oddly enough, the rich will continue to get richer and the poor poorer. In the meantime, in between time, ain’t we got fun.

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