Four Little Words

What are the most dangerous words in English? No, not “Meet Vice-President Dick Cheney,” or “The doctor will see you now.” The most dangerous words are, “It’s good for you.”

A friend of mine went ,with some trepidation, to his neighborhood banker when he was about to buy his first house. He wanted to put down as large a down payment as possible and get the shortest term mortgage possible. The loan officer pooh-poohed this pantywaist option with words that my friend reported with horror and disbelief. “The guy said, ‘You can’t afford not to owe money.’”

In other words, debt is good for you. But of course, it isn’t. It’s good for them. It’s the same siren song you hear from a thousand credit card hawkers, car dealers and Congressmen. Borrowing is good for you. Yet all the cleverly manipulated credit was what plunged the world into years of sorrow when the debt came home to roost in 2008.

The doctors who treated Elvis and Michael Jackson and prescribed fen phen and vioxx and dozens of other deadly miracle cures surely told their patients, “It’s good for you.” So do all those soft-focus ads that also include 20 seconds of fast-talking disclaimers about possible side effects — like stroke, blindness, hair on your palms and heart stoppage.

For years cigarettes were advertised as being good for you. Sigmund Freud thought that cocaine was a miracle drug until he realized he was addicted. Same as Eric Clapton. Oops.

Sugary drinks are good for you, if you believe the ads. They’re the real thing. They teach the world to sing. Things go better with them, like diabetes..

College was said to be good for you when I was growing up. In fact, it was essential. I’m still in favor, but some truth in advertising is needed. Learning a thing or two about the nature of the universe, the history of the planet we inhabit, and the human condition is clearly good for you. But at the prices colleges are charging these days, one is required to choose a school and course of study wisely or higher education can turn into just another version of “You can’t afford not to owe money — forever.”

Love of country and religious faith are often said to be good for you, but not if they are an excuse to check your brains at the door and fall for fictional or superstitious nonsense unrelated to reality. When the overheated Reverend or Jingo start ranting, caveat emptor should be one’s motto.

Exercise is alleged to be good for you, but again it is worth considering the source of the claim. The vast infrastructure of trainers and yoga instructors and coaches get paid for urging you to huff and puff. Oldsters are increasingly being exhorted to spend their twilight years getting in shape, exercising to extend their lives.
Okay, in moderation. Over a decade ago I was encouraged to do a minimum of 30 minutes of exercise a day, the more vigor the better. I lost some weight, but I also got to meet people I wouldn’t have otherwise — an orthopedist, a radiologist, several trainers whose regimen sent me to several physical therapists and pharmacists to fix what the exercise had broken.

I’ve tried high-priced shoes and orthotics, had people looks at my knees and spine and have generally been forced to conclude that time waits for no man, rust never sleeps, and exercise in moderation may be good for you but a lot of exercise may be worse for you than sedentary torpor. It surely is a lot less fun.

When the days dwindle down to a precious few, “It’s fun for you,” sounds like a lot better prescription that “It’s good for you.” Did anyone ever fall in love with a great song or movie, painting or poem, man or woman because they were good for you? No. Dental hygiene, roughage, kale, brussels sprouts and Metamucil are good for you, but you wouldn’t want to make a steady diet of it.

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