I have entered on a new phase of knee replacement rehab — water aerobics, which includes some damped down yoga asanas. The ancient names of these poses are as fetching as the moves are wrenching. The Eagle, Cobra, Sphinx, Camel, Heron, Feathered Peacock.

Obviously gaggles of gimpy seniors are only up to mild stretches, not the sort of bravura contortions worthy of the Kama Sutra, so no Plow or Upward Bow or Half Frog or One Legged Pigeon or Lascivious Locust.

Our drill instructor did teach us the Lawnmower, a move familiar from trying to start a recalcitrant gas engine, but probably this is not what the antique yogis called it a millennium or two ago.

However, the Lawnmower did get me thinking about the poses and stretches that would actually be useful for a class of the aging, arthritic ad surgically modified.

The Fallen Shower Soap pose speaks for itself, and what it says is: “Ouch!”

Also useful to practice are the High Pantry Shelf Reach and the Tight Lid Unscrew, especially entertaining for those with arthritis or carpal tunnel.

For several months now I personally have been doing a number of poses and stretches including The Whimpering Stair Climb and the Knee-Howling Downstairs Creep. There’s also the Screaming Shoe and Sock Bend and the Limping Sloth, a slow circuit of the neighborhood.

All o this exertion usually ends with what is known as the Weeping Whipped Ass pose, which should not be confused with the ultimate destination of all these endeavors — the Glue Factory Dobbin followed by the Downward Facing Casket.