This just in.
A day or two ago I received a bulletin on my mobile device. Thank God for modern technology. In the old days I would never have known that a news service had a breaking story that I could not afford to be ignorant of for even one minute.
Chelsea Clinton was with child.
There followed a number of commentaries discussing the political, eleemosynary and metaphysical implications of this momentous development. But these were all little more than snap judgments, delivered in the heat of the moment.
Now that we have had time to soberly assess this profound story, I am pleased to bring you the following in depth report on everything you need to know about the Clinton pregnancy and all it may portend for the future of this great country we all love and indeed for the complicated world we inhabit.
Nothing. Nada. Zero. Zilch.
You’re welcome. Now back to our regularly scheduled programming.
Hold the phone. Here’s another flash just in.
Some Republicans are now insisting the Clinton pregnancy has been engineered by Bill and Hillary to advance her 2016 presidential campaign by giving her neat baby pictures to show the public.
Polls show the number of sane people who believe this latest GOP conspiracy theory is: none, zero, zilch.